Saturday, November 1, 2014

Why are you not coming to celebrate my birthday?

Some of the acceptable reasons:

1) I am stuck in surgery and will not be done for another 10 hours.
2) My relief worker has not shown up yet.
3) I have to work that day and the next day too.
4) I am currently in a different state/country.

Lame reasons:

1) I am tired and want to stay home.
2) I really do not want to deal with crowds.
3) I am straight up lazy.
4) Who's birthday is it?
5) Why am I celebrating? It has nothing to do with me.

WWJD?  Clip them and never look back.  Pull a passive aggressive maneuver and use some other lame ass excuse.  Brag about how awesome the party was and nothing will compare.  Be thankful for the day, period.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

WWJD?

Look out for hiding cops and make the damn turn!

Monday, July 18, 2011

It starts with YOU

If you want world peace, start by training your mind to be peaceful.

Alrighty then! It starts with me, it starts with you, it's about the collectiveness.  THAT'S WWJD!

Did you get it dumbass?

Did you seriously just shit your pants?

The following is a condensed version of the real thing.  This is seriously REAL! 

A grown women calls 911 for help. 

Stupid Lady: "I shit my pants and I don't know what to do!?"

911 Operator: "Really?"

SL: "HELP ME!"

Operator: "Where are you ma'am?"

Stupid Lady: "On my couch! What do I do!? What do I do?!'

Operator: "How do you know you crap your pants?" (With a slight snicker)

Stupid Lady: "I put my hand down my panties to check and it was wet."

GROSS!!!!

WWJD? Go to the toilet!

WWJD? Jump in the shower!

Really people!?!?!? Use some common sense!

Get your fat ass off the couch and go clean yourself up!

(And to the dumbass lady, you may want to change your manicure and clean the shit out!)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Take your homeless back!

WWJD?

In light of the states continued homeless problem, some individuals have proposed offering shipment containers and to convert them into living quarters.  The container would sit on agriculture land and the occupant will then be forced into becoming a farm worker.  Seriously?!?!?! Do you really think that some of these homeless individuals will remain sober and work the land?  Great idea?!?!?!  What these idealist are forgetting is that some of the homeless make the conscious choice to not live in a shelter because they do not want to live by the rules and by societies standards.  Given the choices, to live on the streets and answer to no one, or to live in a container and answer to the farm handlers, which do you really think they would choose?

So, WWJD?  The idea of a container has some validity.  Put them in a container and get them comfortable.  Then lock it up, place the container on a barge, and ship it away!!!!!  Ok, I take back my intial response, let's shove them in a container and give them a false hope of a home!

That's WWJD.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A WWJD response: A Guide to Dealing with Jackholes

After reading the original version of the Idiots list, I thought that it is important to create a new version. As I personally find this particular list boring and contrite at this moment, it is important to actually address the REAL-LIFE JACKHOLES that unfortunately exist in our world. We cannot eliminate them with my zombie killing skills, because the law of the world must be in balance. Without them, our world would spin out of control, take us out of orbit, and likely become inhabited with zombies. Remember, we all need balance; the yin to the yang, the bad and the good.

So here is my WTF version of the Idiots list titled: A Guide to Dealing with Jackholes

A Guide to Dealing with Jackholes

JACKHOLES, the world is full of them. How hard it is for us, intelligent ones, to put up with them. But to get our jobs done, our kids fed, and our pets groomed, we must deal with them.

JACKHOLES come in many shapes, forms, and types, but the ones that frustrate me the most are those who are unconscious, unaware, and constantly behave as if they are two years old. We all know someone like this, the adult who does not have the skills to interact in the adult world and regularly reacts with childish antics and tantrums.

We must tune out the JACKHOLES to achieve any kind of sanity or serenity. But how? Here are four ways that have worked for me.

1. Expect nothing and practice the law of ignoring them.

Simply stated, ignore the ignorant, and JACKHOLES are ignorant. A quote from Sylvia Plath was referring to the JACKHOLES when she said, “If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.”

2. As nice and giving as you may be, don't give them anything.

You true nature is to be kind and generous to people, however, JACKHOLES will suck you dry! In this case, JACKHOLES are like vampires, sucking you from your white light and energy. Whatever you say or do, they will use it against you. Why? Because that is what JACKHOLES do. So if you stop giving the JACKHOLES material or reason to bash you, they just might leave you alone. If you don't play the JACKHOLE game, their mere stupidity will drive them nuts and actually force them to self-combust. No need to fuel their fire!

3. Try some visualization.

This technique helps me with the JACKHOLES I have to see on a regular basis. Visualization essentially gives you some much-needed boundaries to protect yourself from the constant vampiric sucking they always do. You have to experiment to find the right kind of visualization for you. For example, you could visualize yourself in a bubble, where absolutely nothing can hurt you. It may just resemble the bubble boy scenario or maybe even BioDome (yes, the lame movie starring Pauly Shore just may have use in this exercise!). Or you can envision the JACKHOLES in the bubble. Whenever they try to launch their fangs into you, they cannot penetrate the protective bubble. My recent visualization is to imagine that the deemed JACKHOLES is made of stone. Why? Because I can throw the stone or drop it in a bucket of water and keep it there.

4. Don’t take it personally.

As I stated in #1, just ignore them and don't waste your time and energy. The JACKHOLE is the one with the problem, it really is not you. They are merely attempting to subject you to their stupid crap, don't fall for it and don't take it personally.

Now the following information is not satiric nor condescending in anyway, it is seriously legit!

Chapter three of Don Miguel Ruiz’s classic, “The Four Agreements”explains that we can become immune to hurt and rejection, really! He writes:

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. You become immune to black magicians, and no spell can affect you regardless of how strong it may be. The whole world can gossip about you, and if you don’t take it personally you are immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, and if you don’t take it personally, you will not eat it. When you don’t take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in the sender, but not in you….As you make a habit of not taking anything personally, you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardly be hurt by the careless comments or actions of others.



There you have it! A Guide to Dealing with Jackholes!



Let me now just give credit where credit is due (thank you to the original author that has allowed me to re-create my list). If you are truly curious, the original can be found at the link below. But fare warning to your curious nature, you just may find it boring and lame.







"IT's 4:20 WWJD?"

From a tweet captured today at 4:20 somewhere in the world, it was asked, "It's 4:20, WWJD?" 

WWJD?  Roll a fat one, spark it up, then roll another, and spark that one up!

Afficionado 4:20....Thanks be to Jah!